Saturday, October 29, 2011

Heavy

Tonight, my heart is heavy.  It aches for those around me. For those that are watching loved ones last days, for those who are sitting over a baby's hospital bed, for the ones that are losing sleep over where tomorrow's meal will come.  These are requests from friends, internet acquaintances and others with which I have a connection.  The world is full of pain and suffering.  It is broken and filled with sin. My life isn't any different. There are dark hidden places in my life that are stained black.

In fact, I often battle with a blackness that wants to consume my heart.  It's just a tiny seed. But it is totally depraved. Hateful. Sin.  And there are times, I let it out of it's box.  You know. Those times when you say,
                              
 "I know I shouldn't do this or think this  BUT..."

And there are times when you get hurt. Those are the things that scare me the most.  I can feel that darkness wanting to seep through my heart. It grows. It takes over. And I want to give in. I don't want to fight it. To give in to the dark would mean my heart wouldn't have to break or hurt over a situation.  That darkness whispers to my soul that all will be well once I give up control.  And it's right.  But for only a short while.  Because I know that serving that black stain will only lead to more hurt, more devastation, more pain.  And then I listen to that still, small voice. The one that says,

"My yoke is easy."
"I long to carry you through the night"
"Come, find rest at My feet"

I cannot fight this alone. I serve the ALMIGHTY. The Creator, my Sustainer.  I am reminded that we all must serve one of two masters. 

Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? Romans 6:16

I watched part of the Spiderman movies the other day. Maybe it was the third? And watching that black blob consume Peter was much how I envision the war in my heart sometimes.  But I will not be a slave to it. I WILL NOT give it a foot hold. So I must let go of the me, and become the slave to righteousness.

Guard your heart dear friends. Do not let even that tiniest seed of bitterness into your heart. It is consuming. And deadly.  Cling to the Father.

If you don't mind, please pray for those around you. Your friends who are hurting, for people you don't know that hurt.  And then, pray for your heart.

Beth